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Take A Stand: Prevention of Bullying – Ages 11-12, Day 3

Take A Stand: Prevention of Bullying

11-12 year olds- Instructional Guide Day 3

By Sherryll Kraizer, Ph.D.

 

Objectives

  • To reinforce elements of communication and comfort with speaking up
  • To identify bullying that happens in groups
  • To define choice and identify the process of choosing
  • To identify process of giving choices away
  • To apply concept of choice to bullying behaviors

 

Teacher-Directed Discussion and Role-play

Who can tell me about bullying that you saw happening at school or at home in the past few days?  Remember no names.

What about bullying that happened in groups? 

Did any of you have the opportunity to be an advocate?  Tell us about what happened.

 

Who remembers the differences between aggressive, assertive and passive behaviors?  In the following role-play, let’s focus on being assertive.

 

RP: I need five people.  (4 bullies, 1 victim)

 What if a bunch of kids (4 bullies) say to you “You’re too weird to hang with us?” 

          How would you (victim) respond? 

          Remember the various parts of communication and make what you have to say clear and straightforward.

 

RP: I need five people.  (3 bullies, 1 victim, 1 advocate)  

 Bullies:  You are taunting and teasing another kid, calling him names and making fun of him. 

          Victim:  What do you do? 

Advocate:  How would you intervene to change the situation?

 

RP: I need five people.  (3 bullies, 1 victim, 1 bully who becomes an advocate)  

 Bully says, “You stink” and the other kids (other three bullies) standing around start to laugh?

          Advocate: What choice could you make to move from being a bullying participant to being an advocate?

          How does it feel to change roles?

 

RP: I need two people.  (1 bully, 1 victim)

Bully:  You flip his hat off every time he walks by you?   

          (Victim) You say, “You’re a jerk, I’m going to tell.”

(Bully) Says, “Go ahead and tell, I don’t care.

          What should the victim do?

Tell someone.

 

Discussion:

Is telling tattling or ratting the person out?

 No, tattling is when you tell on another kid or your brothers or sisters to get them in trouble.  Telling because you need help with a problem is not tattling.

 

Choices

What is choice?

Why are choices important?

 ave any of you ever felt trapped, that you have “no choice”?

          For example, if someone hits you or bullies you, how many of you feel you have no choice but to hit back? 

That is a very real feeling, but you actually do have lots of different choices.  You have the choice to hit back, to walk away, to say something to the person, to tell an adult.  You do not automatically have to do anything; you can stop,   think  and  choose

Making choices isn’t acting automatically.  It isn’t picking what you want out of the sky, it is:

  • Looking at what you want 
  • Looking at what is possible
  • Looking at what you expect to happen if you make a particular choice

At the same time, you are still kids, so it looks like there are a lot of things you have no choice about, such as coming to school, homework, chores, etc.

 

But, you still have choices.  You can choose to be in school and not participate or you can choose to be in school and get everything you can out of it.  You can choose to do your chores with a negative attitude and grumbling or you can choose to do them quickly and get it over with or you can choose to do your chores with pleasure knowing you are helping to keep your home clean and cooperative.   

You choose in every minute what you’re going to think about and how you’re going to act in your life.  And then you get the consequences of the choices you’ve made. 

 

Giving  Your Choices Away

Some people give their choices away, for example, acting without thinking, believing that you have no choice, letting your peer group determine your behavior. 

People sometimes give their choice away by asking other people to solve their problems.  They become helpless and let other people take care of them.

Can any of you think of some times that you’ve given your choice away? 

How did it make you feel?

You can listen to the ideas of others and accept their help, but you and you alone can really decide what’s right for you.

 

Taking more control of your life

Having control in your life is partly:

  • Looking at what choices you have
  • Making a choice
  • Realizing there will be consequences that follow from your choices.

It doesn’t mean you’ll like all of them or that they will be easy, but choosing feels better than being a victim because you didn’t know how to make a better choice.

NOTE:  This next exercise is for those kids who feel they have to hit back if they are shoved or hit.  It is for those kids who believe they cannot control their own behavior.  The intention of this exercise is to demonstrate that:

  1. They can control themselves
  2. They do have choice about their behavior

 

Role-Play (RP)

Do any of you ever feel you have no choice about your behavior?  Let’s see how much control you really have?

 

RP: (Choose a child who has a history of bullying and hitting back.  Hit this child in the arm and ask…)

Do you feel like hitting back?  Do you have a choice about hitting back?

 NOTE:  Clearly the child will have made a choice not to hit the teacher back.  The next step is to have them see they can exercise that same choice with a child.

(Now have a smaller child come up and hit the larger child.)

Now, do you feel like hitting back?  Do you have a choice about hitting back?

     NOTE: For some kids you’ll need to work with them, doing this again and again, in order for them to see that they are in control, that they are able to choose.  If they can choose not to hit the teacher back, they can choose not to hit another child.

      Take as much time as you need with this exercise and repeat it with other kids to make the point that they always have choice about hitting back or otherwise escalating bullying/victim situations.

What if you forget that you have a choice and automatically hit back or escalate the situation?  What happens? 

At the moment you realize you’ve forgotten you have the opportunity to make a choice, to stop escalating the situation. 

There is also a role for advocates in these types of situations.  Other kids can remind you that you might want to make a better choice.  That is part of the role of an advocate.

 

ACTIVITY

Raise your hands if you continue to be committed to learning another way to get along, to reducing the conflict in your school and home? 

 

Between now and the next session, I am also requesting that you choose to stop behavior which escalates bullying situations and that you intervene when you see it happening with others. 

Raise your hand if you accept my request to do that.

 

Day 4 – Changing your own behaviors & advocating for others

Day 5 – Preventing emotional abuse & getting help

© 2016 Sherryll Kraizer, Ph.D.  Used with permission.

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Author Dr. Sherryll Kraizer has a Ph.D. in education with a specialization in youth at risk.