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Take A Stand: Prevention of Bullying – Ages 9-10, Day 3

Take A Stand: Prevention of Bullying

9-10 year olds – Instructional Guide Day 3

By Sherryll Kraizer, Ph.D.

 

Objectives

  • To reinforce elements of communication and comfort with speaking up
  • To introduce aggressive, passive and assertive behaviors
  • To role-play being bullied including group bullying
  • To introduce and role-play advocacy as a response to bullying

 

Teacher-Directed Discussion and Role-play

Who can tell me about bullying that you saw happening at school or at home in the past few days?  Remember no names.

 

Assertiveness

Who knows what it means to be assertive?

Assertiveness is a behavior, a way of communicating.  When a person is assertive, s/he is directly communicating feelings, needs, or opinions without threatening or trying to manipulate another person.

By definition assertive behavior is appropriate.

The ability to be assertive is not something that we are born with.  It is something we learn to do.

The three general ways of behaving are:

  • Aggressive behavior or communication is without regard for the feelings or needs of others. It is self-centered.
  • Passive behavior is often without regard for the feelings or needs of yourself. It is also a way of putting the responsibility for what happens to your life in the hands of someone else.
  • Assertive behavior takes care of your needs without hurting someone else.  It respects everyone involved.

It is important to know which way you are acting because then you have choice.  You can keep behaving that way or you can choose to behave another way.

 

Role-Play (RP)

Have two people act out each of the following situations.  Then ask the group to decide whether the interaction is assertive, aggressive or passive.

RP: Your mother asks you to take the recycling down and you tell her you’ll do it when you’re good and ready.

 

RP: Your coach gets on you for not putting the towels in the bin.  It wasn’t your job, but you quietly pick up all the towels and put them in the bin.

 

RP:  Your father is angry because your bicycle is in the driveway when he comes home.  Your brother left it there.  You say, “John left it there, but I’ll be happy to put it away.”

 

Discussion: 

Can you think of some situations from your life when you acted in one of these ways but you see another way you could act now?

 

Being An Advocate

Part of Taking a Stand is learning to be an “Advocate.” 

Who knows what an advocate is?  

An advocate is someone who speaks up for someone else.  We’re going to speak up — to be advocates — for kids who are being bullied.  We’re also going to be advocates for our community by speaking up and letting bullies know that their behavior is unacceptable in our community. 

By definition, advocates are required to be assertive.  You can’t be passive and be effective.  You can’t be aggressive without escalating the situation. 

 

So the three primary messages we want to give assertively are:  

  1. Bullying behavior is unacceptable in this community (school, house, neighborhood).
  2. We do not want to be around people who treat others with disrespect.
  3. We are going to report bullying that is ongoing, that we are unable to stop through our own efforts.

 

RP: I need three people  (1 bully, 1 victim, 1 advocate)

The bully is making fun of the victim’s clothes. 

          The first time the victim says, “Don’t.”   

          The second time the victim says, “Don’t make fun of me, it isn’t nice and I don’t like it.”

          Have the bully continue, then have the advocate step in and say, “Stop it, we’re not going to put up with that in our school.”

       Discuss how the interaction felt from all three points of view.

 

RP: I need three people  (1 bully, 1 victim, 1 advocate)

           Bully says, “You’re fat.” 

          Victim responds with “Not nice, get a life.”

First, say this not looking at the person.  See how that feels.

          Then say it standing up straight, looking right at the person.

          Describe the difference. 

          Advocate says: “Cut it out, you don’t need to make yourself feel bigger by being mean to someone else.” 

          The first time, say it with no eye contact.

          Now say it looking right at the person.

 

RP: I need two people  (1 bully, 1 victim)

Bully says, “You’re a shrimp and you can’t play on our team.”   

          Victim responds, “That’s not true and it stinks that you’re excluding me.”   

          The first time, respond with your body turned away, no eye contact and soft voice.  

          Second time, say the same words using eye contact, clear body language and firm voice. 

 

RP: I need five people  (1 bully, 1 victim)

To Victim:  What if a bully calls you four eyes or metal mouth? 

          Demonstrate a passive way to respond? 

          How about an aggressive way to respond?   

          Finally, an assertive way to respond.  

          What is most effective?

 

RP: I need five people  (4 bully 1 victim, 3 observers)

Bully says “You smell like a fish” and the kids standing around start to laugh? 

          Victim:   Demonstrate a passive way to respond? 

          How about an aggressive way to respond? 

          Finally, an assertive way to respond. 

          What could one of the kids standing around say that would be assertive? 

          Did you change from a bully to an advocate by that action?

          How did that feel?

 

RP: I need two people  (1 bully, 1 victim)

The bully pulls your backpack off and throws it across the field every day after school? 

          Can you demonstrate a passive way to respond? 

          How about an aggressive way to respond?   

          Finally, an assertive way to respond?

          What felt more effective?  Why?

 

How does it feel?

If you were bullied, how did it make you feel when you were passive?

How did you feel when you were aggressive?

How did you feel when you were assertive?

 

How did it feel to be the bully when the person was aggressive?

How did it feel as the bully when the person was passive? 

How did it feel as the bully when the person was assertive?

 

I’d like you to pay attention to your own behavior for a few days and see if you can identify whether you are being passive, aggressive or assertive. 

Most of us are one of the three (bully, victim or observer) most of the time.  See if you can branch out and try being other ways. 

Notice how you feel and how it makes others feel.        

 

Activity

Make a list of assertive phrases that you could use as an advocate.

Get with two or three other people and put together a skit demonstrating bullying and an advocate who successfully intervenes

 

Day 4 –  Costs & payoffs of bullying

Day 5 – Preventing emotional abuse & getting help

© 2016 Sherryll Kraizer, Ph.D.  Used with permission.

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Author Dr. Sherryll Kraizer has a Ph.D. in education with a specialization in youth at risk.